D. Armenta
PlagmanResults from a National Sex and Drug Survey Among US Adults Released
A government survey designed to aggravate Al Sharpton tracked sexual behavior and drug use among US adults and made this ground-breaking, mind-blowing discovery: men are far more likely to play the field than women (AP) and far more likely to brag about it. (All statistics are directly from data in the report)
The survey was conducted amongst 6,237 adults between the ages of 20 and 59 using computer-assisted self-interviews, which, by providing complete privacy, supposedly leads to more honest answers and less urban teenage males claiming to have had “a different shawty each night.” Because of this, the computer system was found to be a vast improvement over the previous method of asking people face-to-face whether or not they were a skanky ho.
The CDC wanted to conduct the survey using this new technique, thinking people may not have provided honest answers in past surveys regarding their sex-life and history of drug use when approached randomly on the street. They hope the results will provide a foundation for future studies, most notably on the prevalence and patterns of sexually transmitted diseases (AP), such as those possessed by Michael Vick.
“This is the first time we’ve used this technique,” said Dr. Kathryn Porter, the survey’s medical officer, “the participants have a headset on, they hear questions, they spend a few minutes trying to remember the names of all the people they’ve nailed, they chuckle a little bit, they get a little turned on, then they touch the screen with responses. There’s no one else in the room and they can take as long as they want.”
The CDC released the results Friday without making any subjective comments, although this did not stop Al Sharpton from protesting their publication. Nevertheless, according to the AP “they will likely provide ammunition to various parties in the ongoing national debate over sex education, cohabitation and access to birth control,” although conservatives have already made it clear that the answer to all three is “No!”
Several conservative groups who choose to ignore reality and promote abstinence until marriage education now have even more data to ignore, given that the survey found 11% of never-married adults to be chaste, although it should be noted that 10.8% were not virgins by choice.
Unlike the SATs, blacks doubled the score of both whites and Hispanics in percentage of adults who had sex before age 15 (28% and 14%, respectively). Black men and women were also more likely to report having 15 or more partners in a lifetime than other groups, with 46% for men and 13% for women (the overall average across all races was 29% for men and 9% for women, proving women need to start workin’ it more). Also, 6% of blacks abstained from sex until at least age 21, with 17% of the Hispanics waiting until the drinking age, and 15% of whites.
But to even things out, whitey had a higher percentage of ever using cocaine or street drugs (which does NOT include marijuana) with 23.5%. Blacks had 18% and Hispanics 16%, but the survey also notes that these results do NOT include the homeless, prison inmates, or institutionalized adults. Although it is unlikely that this would skew the results since there are an equal number of blacks, whites and latinos in prison.
“They just can’t help themselves, can they,” vented Reverend Al Sharpton, “they report data from some stupid survey or some dumb ole test like the SATs that are inherently racist, and they expect us to believe it means anything. I’ll tell you what I believe: crackas is racist.”
The survey was conducted amongst 6,237 adults between the ages of 20 and 59 using computer-assisted self-interviews, which, by providing complete privacy, supposedly leads to more honest answers and less urban teenage males claiming to have had “a different shawty each night.” Because of this, the computer system was found to be a vast improvement over the previous method of asking people face-to-face whether or not they were a skanky ho.
The CDC wanted to conduct the survey using this new technique, thinking people may not have provided honest answers in past surveys regarding their sex-life and history of drug use when approached randomly on the street. They hope the results will provide a foundation for future studies, most notably on the prevalence and patterns of sexually transmitted diseases (AP), such as those possessed by Michael Vick.
“This is the first time we’ve used this technique,” said Dr. Kathryn Porter, the survey’s medical officer, “the participants have a headset on, they hear questions, they spend a few minutes trying to remember the names of all the people they’ve nailed, they chuckle a little bit, they get a little turned on, then they touch the screen with responses. There’s no one else in the room and they can take as long as they want.”
The CDC released the results Friday without making any subjective comments, although this did not stop Al Sharpton from protesting their publication. Nevertheless, according to the AP “they will likely provide ammunition to various parties in the ongoing national debate over sex education, cohabitation and access to birth control,” although conservatives have already made it clear that the answer to all three is “No!”
Several conservative groups who choose to ignore reality and promote abstinence until marriage education now have even more data to ignore, given that the survey found 11% of never-married adults to be chaste, although it should be noted that 10.8% were not virgins by choice.
Unlike the SATs, blacks doubled the score of both whites and Hispanics in percentage of adults who had sex before age 15 (28% and 14%, respectively). Black men and women were also more likely to report having 15 or more partners in a lifetime than other groups, with 46% for men and 13% for women (the overall average across all races was 29% for men and 9% for women, proving women need to start workin’ it more). Also, 6% of blacks abstained from sex until at least age 21, with 17% of the Hispanics waiting until the drinking age, and 15% of whites.
But to even things out, whitey had a higher percentage of ever using cocaine or street drugs (which does NOT include marijuana) with 23.5%. Blacks had 18% and Hispanics 16%, but the survey also notes that these results do NOT include the homeless, prison inmates, or institutionalized adults. Although it is unlikely that this would skew the results since there are an equal number of blacks, whites and latinos in prison.
“They just can’t help themselves, can they,” vented Reverend Al Sharpton, “they report data from some stupid survey or some dumb ole test like the SATs that are inherently racist, and they expect us to believe it means anything. I’ll tell you what I believe: crackas is racist.”
The Tube Blog
Hey, at least they didn't ask abou the consumption of 40oz...
crap... did I say that out loud?
Seriously, good post. Intersting to see that all the modern technology used allows us to see the deep-rooted truth:
I'm floored.
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Reverend Al Sharpton, bleh, sounds so familiar.