D. Armenta
PlagmanEnglish Church Furious over Cathedral being Depicted in Violent Playstation Game
The Church of England is demanding that Sony, the makers of Playstation, apologize and provide a large donation for featuring one of their cathedrals in a violent video game with sweet graphics. The Church is accusing Sony of being irresponsible for choosing the Manchester Cathedral, given that it has been plagued with gun violence in the past.
The Playstation 3 game in question, entitled “Resistance: Fall of Man,” features a shoot-out in the cathedral between humans and well-armed aliens. Reverend Rogers Govender, the Dean of Manchester Cathedral, argued that Sony’s product was undermining the important work the church has been doing, and created an image the church did not want associated with them. “Not only are people going to call into question the beliefs of the Church, they’re going to be afraid to come on Sundays for fear that the aliens will be packing, when the truth is they’re rarely packing.”
Sony is also taking heat simply for choosing the city of Manchester, even though the game does not make fun of their ridiculous accents. Church officials have described Sony’s use of the Cathedral as “sick and sacrilegious,” and met Monday to discuss a list of demands they will be sending to Sony in the form of a letter that certainly won’t get thrown away with that application for a new career as a dental hygienist from ITT Tech.
For starters, the Church wants the game to be removed from store shelves, an apology for using the very same “realistic photo quality” images that sets them apart from other video game consoles, for hell to freeze over, and a donation to go towards their work with young people. Govender personally urged Sony to contact the church within the next few days to go over the points raised by church leaders, hoping the two parties could reach a “mutually satisfactory conclusion” that involves a seven-figure settlement.
The Bishop of Manchester, Reverend Nigel McCulloh, said through Manchester-English/English translator, “it is well known that Manchester has a gun-crime problem. For a global manufacturer to recreate one of our great cathedrals with photo-realistic quality, in 1080i HD no less, and then encourage people to have gun battles in the building is beyond belief and highly irresponsible. And the grenades in this game are a joke: this guy walks right through my grenade, doesn’t die, and then kills me; beyond belief!”
Awaiting action from Sony, the Cathedral has gone ahead and erected “Gun-Fighting with Aliens Strictly Prohibited” signs all over the building’s interior. In the meantime, a spokesman for Sony has commented that, “It is within our constitutional rights to re-create a building in a video game and promote gun battles among British church-goers.”
Sony admits to intentionally choosing the Manchester Cathedral given that nearly 150 people on the planet would be able to recognize it. “We had to go with the one church that everyone would immediately identify; Manchester should be flattered,” continued Sony’s spokesman.
After the Church of England came forward with the story about their Cathedral being used in a video game with amazing, picture-like quality and gun battles with aliens, the sales for the video game inexplicably skyrocketed. The church claims it occurred because people wanted to be dazzled by the beauty of their Cathedral. Sony didn’t really care what the reason was. “Next we’re thinking about doing a Grant Theft Auto theme in the Vatican,” said head of video game design at Sony, Ted Kruntz, “stealing the pope-mobile could be worth as many points as beating, like, ten ho’s.”
Seeing the success the church is having in providing negative publicity for the video game that teenagers will certainly refuse to buy out of protest, additional organizations are coming forward, offended by other video game manufacturers’ blatant uses of their environments.
“Every year it seems, our shores are being used as the scene for another video game battle of some sort,” said Gerard DeBaptiste, resident of Normandy, France, “they didn’t ask us permission, or even feature me on the cover, they just went ahead and made their war game without thinking about how disrespectful it was to the men who really did die there back in 1986.”
“Given that our target audience is mainly church-goers familiar with cathedrals 4000 miles away on a different continent,” said a Sony spokesperson, “we have to do something to curtail the attention the Church of England is bringing to this game. American teenagers don’t want to hear about graphics that are ‘realistic photo quality’ or shootouts with aliens; if it isn’t educational, kids these days just aren’t interested.”
The Playstation 3 game in question, entitled “Resistance: Fall of Man,” features a shoot-out in the cathedral between humans and well-armed aliens. Reverend Rogers Govender, the Dean of Manchester Cathedral, argued that Sony’s product was undermining the important work the church has been doing, and created an image the church did not want associated with them. “Not only are people going to call into question the beliefs of the Church, they’re going to be afraid to come on Sundays for fear that the aliens will be packing, when the truth is they’re rarely packing.”
Sony is also taking heat simply for choosing the city of Manchester, even though the game does not make fun of their ridiculous accents. Church officials have described Sony’s use of the Cathedral as “sick and sacrilegious,” and met Monday to discuss a list of demands they will be sending to Sony in the form of a letter that certainly won’t get thrown away with that application for a new career as a dental hygienist from ITT Tech.
For starters, the Church wants the game to be removed from store shelves, an apology for using the very same “realistic photo quality” images that sets them apart from other video game consoles, for hell to freeze over, and a donation to go towards their work with young people. Govender personally urged Sony to contact the church within the next few days to go over the points raised by church leaders, hoping the two parties could reach a “mutually satisfactory conclusion” that involves a seven-figure settlement.
The Bishop of Manchester, Reverend Nigel McCulloh, said through Manchester-English/English translator, “it is well known that Manchester has a gun-crime problem. For a global manufacturer to recreate one of our great cathedrals with photo-realistic quality, in 1080i HD no less, and then encourage people to have gun battles in the building is beyond belief and highly irresponsible. And the grenades in this game are a joke: this guy walks right through my grenade, doesn’t die, and then kills me; beyond belief!”
Awaiting action from Sony, the Cathedral has gone ahead and erected “Gun-Fighting with Aliens Strictly Prohibited” signs all over the building’s interior. In the meantime, a spokesman for Sony has commented that, “It is within our constitutional rights to re-create a building in a video game and promote gun battles among British church-goers.”
Sony admits to intentionally choosing the Manchester Cathedral given that nearly 150 people on the planet would be able to recognize it. “We had to go with the one church that everyone would immediately identify; Manchester should be flattered,” continued Sony’s spokesman.
After the Church of England came forward with the story about their Cathedral being used in a video game with amazing, picture-like quality and gun battles with aliens, the sales for the video game inexplicably skyrocketed. The church claims it occurred because people wanted to be dazzled by the beauty of their Cathedral. Sony didn’t really care what the reason was. “Next we’re thinking about doing a Grant Theft Auto theme in the Vatican,” said head of video game design at Sony, Ted Kruntz, “stealing the pope-mobile could be worth as many points as beating, like, ten ho’s.”
Seeing the success the church is having in providing negative publicity for the video game that teenagers will certainly refuse to buy out of protest, additional organizations are coming forward, offended by other video game manufacturers’ blatant uses of their environments.
“Every year it seems, our shores are being used as the scene for another video game battle of some sort,” said Gerard DeBaptiste, resident of Normandy, France, “they didn’t ask us permission, or even feature me on the cover, they just went ahead and made their war game without thinking about how disrespectful it was to the men who really did die there back in 1986.”
“Given that our target audience is mainly church-goers familiar with cathedrals 4000 miles away on a different continent,” said a Sony spokesperson, “we have to do something to curtail the attention the Church of England is bringing to this game. American teenagers don’t want to hear about graphics that are ‘realistic photo quality’ or shootouts with aliens; if it isn’t educational, kids these days just aren’t interested.”
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I found this cartoon on the subject:
Ctrl-Alt-Del cartoon